Chapter Eighteen

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Chapter Eighteen

If Remy imagined fairy slipper magic was going to be gentle, he was wrong. Seriously wrong. But he didn't have time to consider just how wrong he was.

The Miranda-beast halted her assault as the vortex engulfed Remy, slicing off three of her slime-dripping tentacles in the process. Her head whipped round to where the Giles-beast was standing, watching on in obvious amusement. He called out some gibberish (which Remy imagined would translate as something like - "A bit of a sticky pickle, eh wot, old fruit.") He gave a weird shudder which might have been a shrug if he'd still had shoulders. Then they both disintegrated.

A tight smile of satisfaction crept onto Remy's lips as his feet lifted off the ground. No matter what happened now, at least he'd defeated those stupid aliens.

Then he remembered his parents. A few moments ago they'd been fleeing through the forest, not too far ahead. Remy twisted and squirmed like a worm on a hook, trying to spot them. But the world was a blur of dust and debris. They could be anywhere. Or nowhere.

A flicker of colour swept along the edge of Remy's vision.

"Lewis!" His friend had been swept up by the vortex, too. But unlike Remy, he wasn't slowly rising through its centre. He was being tossed around like a ragdoll in a blender. Lewis ricocheted one way. Then the other. Then suddenly shot skywards. As he drew level with Remy, he winked ... then shattered into dust.

"L-E-W-I-S-S-S-S-S-S-S!!!"

Remy only caught snatches of the un-timed universe being re-timed ... or re-un-timed ... or un-un-timed ... or whatever it was doing. He'd lost track of what, precisely, he was supposed to be doing ages ago. It had been a busy couple of days.

Bit by bit, the entire universe was slurped into nothingness, like a lump of fluff getting sucked into a vacuum cleaner. Remy felt his flesh being sucked off his bones. His head felt like an egg in a microwave. Any second his brain was going to explode, sending shards of skull and gristle spinning off into the vortex.

Then, thankfully, everything dissolved into a pinprick of light.

Remy was walking along a winding road ... Actually, he wasn't walking, it was more like skipping. That was weird. He never skipped. He couldn't remember how he'd got there. Or even where 'there' was. The sky was technicolor blue and the sun was shining way too brightly. It was making the whole road glitter like gold.

"Not far now," a growly voice chuckled beside him.

When Remy turned his head, he wasn't surprised to see a lion skipping beside him. He gave the lion a smile, then turned his head the other way. The scarecrow gave Remy a friendly wink with one sewn-up eye. The tin man tipped his jaunty tin hat.

"This looks like as good a place as any for a picnic," said the scarecrow, pulling a blanket from a basket.

Remy's smile widened. It had been ages since he'd had a picnic.

Once the blanket was laid out on the grass, Remy stretched out lazily and closed his eyes. He could hear bees buzzing among the dandelions. In the distance, quails were gargling greetings across the paddock.

"I'm starving," said the lion. "Let's eat."

Remy's stomach grumbled agreement. What a good idea.

I wonder what's on the menu? thought Remy.

When a cool shadow fell across his face, Remy opened his eyes.

Three faces leered over him.

"I bag his brain," said the scarecrow.

"I get his heart," said the tin man.

"And I'll have whatever's left," said the lion, licking his lips ...

Remy fought his way back to consciousness. His arms threshed free of the sleeping bag as he bolted upright. He almost screamed. Then he heard his dad snoring beside him in the tent.

It took a few seconds for Remy's sleep-fogged mind to clear. When it did, he breathed an enormous sigh of relief. It worked! Everything had been un-timed, or re-timed, or whatever. Just like Ummm said.

He stumbled out into the morning. He couldn't wait to tell Lewis about their adventures ... and tease him about Eyepod ... and about how he ate a gorilla alien ... and ...

Remy's groan escaped in a fog of breath. The re-un-timing had worked alright. But it had maybe worked a bit too well. Everything was just as he remembered it ... including the footprint trails etched in the frosty lawn.

Remy straightened his shoulders. At least this time he'd be ready. Giles and Miranda wouldn't know what hit them. He'd have them scuttling back to their dumb planet before they could sing a single verse of their stupid gilligram song.

He went to rub his hands together like an evil movie villain. But halfway there, he froze. For a few seconds, all he could do was stare. Then, slowly, his hairy hands rose and covered his monkey face.