Chapter Nine - Winners!

This week's mystery writer was Kathy White. You can download Kathy's FABO bookmark by clicking on the image.

Here's Kathy's Author Report:

Congratulations to all those FaBo followers who are hanging on in there, sending in chapters every week. Energy starts to flag a bit in the middle of a novel, so I'm pleased you haven't given up writing. I normally write short chapter books but at the moment I'm writing a teenage novel so I know it takes determination and cupcakes to keep writing week after week.

There was a lot to get excited about in your entries for chapter nine. Aidan made Remy ask "Shouldn't we stop those un-timing, ruby-stealing, dog-freezing, donkey-talking, gorilla-impersonating aliens?" Jeepers, yes. Let's do it! Everyone tried hard, using action, imagery, dialogue and humour. Caroline, Faith, Hayley and Georgia wrote some lovely dialogue. There were also memorable lines. Alex talked about a smile that was more like the grimace of a constipated turtle. Ha ha ha. Aidan invented an exploding lipstick called KissyBoom (TM). There were jelly bullets, cupcakes jammed between the fairies' legs to provide fart power (jeepers) and someone started the un-timer. Wow, what a great turning point. That adventure-filled chapter came from James Harper who's in year 5 at Parkland School in Palmerston North. He's winning the junior prize this week (a copy of A Hairy Tale) for lots of heart-stopping action but also for creating great (and funny) pictures in my mind by paying attention to small details.

My favourite ending came from Alex Hannagan of Raroa Normal Intermediate in Wellington so he's receiving the senior prize this week. Where you finish each chapter can create great opportunities, twists and turns, and a lot of enthusiasm to keep reading. Alex's ending creates a beautiful problem. I wonder how he would resolve that damn dalmatian dilemma. As he has already won prizes in this competition, Alex will receive a unique, hand-delivered, artistic FaBo creation - a
selection of three cupcakes, handmade by Fifi Colston. You're very lucky, Alex. I'd like one of these for myself (grumble, grumble). Fifi, why can't I have one of these?

A few of you were great sleuths and guessed the mystery author was Kathy White this week (the trapeze outfit must have been a giveaway - just joking). Faith Tyler of Maungawhau School in Auckland has won the prize draw and will receive a copy of my book Muffin Magic.

Tips for future chapters:

1. Some of you need to write more. There needs to be a clear beginning, middle and end to a chapter. A lot of you write well but not enough happens to keep the plot progressing in a logical way. The reader should be able to see that one thing logically follows on from another.

2. Make sure there's a point to everything you say or do. Everything you write should need to be in the story.

3. Keep working on paragraphs. It's much easier to read when it's spaced out nicely and we know to pause in the right places when we're reading it.

And keep going. It gets easier and better over time.

Happy writing!

- Kathy White

9: Junior Winner

by James Harper, Year 5, Parkland School

Remy splashed out of the dark, murky water of the duck pond. As he pulled himself out of the green, grotesque water he tripped over an invisible stone. As he fell into the menacing mud surrounding the legacy of water he realised that it had cut through the plastic of his shoe so much that you could see the fluffy blue of his sock.

“Come on,” said Lewis to Remy, (with still a bit of icing in his hair and) pulling him out of the dark mud. “We gotta get after those thugs. Those two could have gotten a ruby in that darn cupcake explosion! I got icing in my hair because of that!” He groaned.

“Sorry” said Ummm. “ You still want to help us right? We’re willing to take you two our backs and we can get after those scum!” growled Ummm.

Suddenly from behind them they heard a grunt and they knew what they were in for… (well Remy and Lewis did anyway)…

Mrs. Jones stood there with a twitching eye and a rigid pink jewelled purse in her hand. She was ready to whack. Angry and splattered with sprinkles and pink icing, she looked like a badly baked cupcake that had expired a month ago.

“I think this calls for another No.44.” Smiled Ummm…

BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!

Mrs.Jones hair flew up and it went into a brown mess (that not even a well trained housemaid could fix) and just before she fainted it became clear that her hair was singed.

“Okay now you two hop on my back and we’ll get back on to catching those crime lord gorillas!” yelled Ummm, laughing as he went at the sight of Mrs. Jones lying on the ground with a disaster of a new haircut…

As they were flying high above Auckland an angry policeman spotted them He had a busy day barring people from booing a terribly sucky rugby team. So he had had enough of student jokes, so he thought this was one too and he yelled at them to get down to the ground.

Unfortunately the fairies took this the wrong way and thought he was trying to help them.

Ummm smiled and started to dive towards the man.

“No way is he going to help us! He wants to put us in jail! Pull up, pull up!" shouted Remy.

“We aren’t magic carpets you know” said Too Cool.

“But we’ll get him,” sighed Ummm.

The policeman (in defence) took out a silver, shining tazer and it sizzled frantically and threateningly at them.

“Cupcake attack!” yelled Ummm.

With Remy and Lewis still on their backs, Too Cool and Ummm dived into an attack postion and started throwing No.44 cupcakes at the policeman. He ran for cover and and dived into his car which protected him from the deadly rain of mini iced cakes. But of course it didn’t end there…

A while later the fairies (and Remy and Lewis) still couldn’t get the idiotic policeman off their tail and it looked as though he was about to call for back up.

“Hey Ummm do you have any cupcakes that make you go faster or something?” said Lewis.

“Sure, time for No.99!” shouted Ummm.

“Watch this,” said Too Cool. They wedged cupcakes between their legs and suddenly Remy and Lewis were clinging for their lives and trailing behind them was an acid road of air! “Fart power” whispered Too Cool.

“Wow” said Lewis, admiring the sights of Auckland. “Look!” he yelled his voice suffering against the strength and the power of the almighty wind.

“One tree hill!” Lewis finished. They were looking at the amazing sight of the dormant volcano then suddenly a burst of speed left Lewis hanging onto Too Cool’s foot and Remy to Ummm’s tights that were slowly slipping down… Remy and Lewis clambered up back onto their backs and saw what was the end of their lives…

The Auckland skytower.

They were going to crash.

Into the Auckland Skytower.

Down below the ginormous artefact Giles and Miranda were scarping the shops and terrorising the locals to look for a ruby.

“Look!” gazed Giles “An olde shoppe selling gems and old snafus.”

“I think it is pronounced like shoe and they do not sell gems chappie though. They sell grass. The shop name is Grass and Gumboots old chap. Jolly good try though,” Miranda droned. “But we should try it.”

The gorillas tumbled into the well decorated shop and the owner cowered in fright. Her fingers full of rings covered teary eyes. One of them hid a red jewel in amongst the snaky gold that covered it.

“Look,” pointed Miranda. “That chapette has an olde ruby.”

Giles gazed in a menacing stare towards the woman…

“Whoa!” Exclaimed Too Cool. “Dudes I can pull up. But it will be risky, We could die of air depression or we could end up being killed by the gryo-sphincter or we could end up in our spaceship”

“Do it!” yelled Remy.

“What, no!” argued Lewis.

They sped upwards. The stench of farts no longer bothered them but suddenly they were going down and saying what they said backwards. They couldn’t help it. It was like being in a DVD and getting rewinded by somebody who liked the last scene better. But it was obvious that those sinful gorillas had got a ruby and had started the Un-timer…

“Ekacpuc a barg” Too Cool managed.

Remy thought he must be able force out the words but they still came out backwards and his mind was starting to think backwards he probably only had a few seconds before he wouldn’t be able to make out a single thing! In a frenzy he grabbed Too Cool’s belt, pulling off a cupcake. Suddenly everything became clear and he wasn’t going backwards. In a flash he grabbed a cupcake and passed one to everybody.

Soon they were on the ground and everything was going backwards. They probably only had a few hours until they were blasted into last century.

Flying backwards behind them were the Jones boys. Donkey versions and leaving hoof marks that were being erased as fast as the Jones flew backwards.

Then suddenly standing in front of them were the very gorillas that had caused this. Giles and Miranda.

“Listen you if you don’t stop this now the whole universe is in danger!” Yelled Ummm.

Giles and Miranda just stood there smiling. “The Universe will not end,” said Giles.

“We will remake it!” Miranda held up the Un-timer and said. “The Un-timer has freed us from the Old English accent we were stuck with and now you will die. Miranda held down the Un-timer and streaks of lightning whizzed towards them…

“No!” shouted Lewis. He sped forwards and knocked the Un-timer to the ground. It cracked and sizzled. Suddenly everything fast forwarded.

“Oh no!” screamed Ummm. “We’re going to the end of the Universe!”

“What?” said Lewis.

“You made the Untimer go forwards,” explained Ummm. “We’re going to the end of the Universe!”

“In other words we’re going the long way round,” said Too Cool…

9: Senior Winner

by Alex Hannagan, Year 7, Raroa Normal Intermediate

Ummm lead Remy and Mrs Jones through the maze of suburban backyards while persistently looking behind him, in the hope of spying Too Cool and Lewis tearing towards them. The occasional nosy puppy would yap at them, but the three would never even spare it a sideways glance.

Eventually they came to a deserted garage on top of the massive McFlanders hill, a depressing ‘OUT OF BUSINESS’ sign hanging limply from the front door. “We’re gonna have to hang out here for a while; or at least until my companion arrives.” Too Cool said glumly.

“And Lewis.” Remy added, plonking himself down on the skeleton of a Honda.

“Well I for one want to go home!” Mrs Jones snapped, “I don’t even know why I agreed to tag along. I just want to go home to my husband and wake up from this stupid nightmare that he’s been ‘sphincted’ or whatever.”

“I’m afraid that you can’t go home, the reason being there are two inter-galactic criminals dwelling there. And as for your husband, he has been sphincted, and he is no more.”

Ummm soon realised the rashness of his words as Mrs Jones started to tear up. He tried flashing her a tired smile, but it ended up looking like the grimace of a constipated turtle.

“Guys, we better get moving. I can see some commotion in the distance.” Remy warned. Umm turned around to see two figures, one wearing a bright pink tutu, sprinting up McFlanders hill towards them. Mrs Jones only had time to breathe a small gasp before they were engulfed by out-of-this-world (literally) ammunition.

* * *

Too Cool pulled Lewis along by the arm as the hurtled along their crash course towards their companions. Jelly bullets ricocheted off front doors and car bonnets, splashing the two escapees with their purple gooiness.

“Damn blast it!” Cried Miranda. “Missed again!”

Another shot exploded on contact with someone’s wheeli-bin and Lewis and Too Cool dived into 88 year-old Mavis Peterson’s rhododendron garden.

“You can run, but you cannot hide!” Giles purred, only a hint of acid in his words.

If I ever get out of this, I’m writing a book, Lewis thought. A tug on the shoulder from Too Cool signalled to follow him through the scrub and into the quiet cul-de-sac on the other side of the giant rhododendrons.

“In there,” Too Cool whispered, motioning towards a closed down garage. Cautiously they tiptoed inside the reception room, checking under every nook and cranny for potential enemies.

“Pssssst! Up here!”

Lewis nearly wet himself with fright. He scanned the mix of cars and unfinished paperwork for the source of the hissing noise.

“Are you blind or something, Lewis? Up here!”

Lewis eyes widened in shock as he saw the flustered faces of Remy, Mrs J and Ummm jammed inside the rusted skeleton of a squashed car piled high on a truck. All he could think to say was: “What are you guys doing in there?”

“Well we were waiting for you fools, but then you ran in here with those two… things chasing you with all guns blazing, so we had to hide as to not get sizzled!” Mrs Jones screamed, making much too big a deal over what was really nothing.

“Well SORR-” but Lewis was cut short by a shouting Too Cool.

“They’re here!” He called, ripping the hinge off the car door. “You have to get out. Now. They followed us, and they’ve got guns. Really REALLY BIG guns.”

* * *

Remy creeped surreptitiously out the back door, keeping the two fairies in sight.

“Woof!” A dog barked from inside someone’s garden, but that was the last thing on Remy’s mind as urban warfare raged all around him.

“There!” Mrs Jones shrieked. A hulking figure quickly rolled out of sight from under a wheelbarrow.

“Woof!” A spindly Dalmatian padded into view, leaving a small wooden gate creaking on its hinges.

“Put your hands in the air where I can see them, chappies.” Miranda called from the roof of the garage.

“The rubies are ours, fatty!” Remy snarled.

“Back away Remy, Mrs Jones.” Ummm whispered, motioning at a narrow dirt track over the road.

They started to shuffle backwards, but a vicious warning shot from Miranda blasted a hole into the pavement less then a metre from Remy’s head. “You aint going nowhere.” A ginormous smirk was camped on Miranda’s face.

“Run, Remy!” Lewis cried as Giles sprang from nowhere and barrelled into Mrs Jones.

Remy tried running, but his usually sturdy legs failed him. Giles grabbed a piece of his hair in one huge mitt and pulled him back. Someone cried out and Remy had a sneaking suspicion that it was him.

“Give me that, filthy earthling.” They wrestled for control of the jewellery box, causing its contents to spill over the side of the road. Mrs Jones groaned, a mixture of pain and annoyance that she would have to pick up her broken box.

Desperately Too Cool threw a cupcake and lunged for the ruby, but it was too late. The Dalmatian leaned over, sniffed at the ruby, and then swallowed it whole.