Chapter Thirteen Winner

This week's mystery writer was Tania Hutley. You can download Tania's FABO bookmark by clicking on the image.

This time nobody managed to guess that I was this week's author. I'd thought maybe my corny jokes would give it away (I do love a good joke... or even better, a bad one).

The author gets a lot easier to guess as the weeks go on, so keep sending your author guess in each week - it's a quick and simple way to be in to win a prize!

This week's winning chapter came from Hayley Coupe of Maungawhau School. Hayley introduced a new character, the Fairy Queen of the World, who just happened to be called Tanya! Our motley band of heroes found themselves in a whole new dimension called Sniglet, and had a very dramatic ending with two disasters befalling them... including being turned into gorillas! Well done, Hayley, and a copy of my book Tough Enough is on its way to you.

Instead of talking about the other entries this week, I thought I'd say something about Dialogue. Dialogue is when your characters talk to each other, and a lot of you guys are already really great at writing it!

Dialogue is a good thing to keep practicing, because it can make or break your story. Here are a few things I always try to remember:

- Reading your dialogue aloud is an excellent way to tell if it sounds like real people talking or not. Even better, ask a friend to read it out.

- Try and use what people say to move your story along. Idle chit-chat can get boring in a story.

- Listen to people's conversations to see how they talk. Real life talking is filled with interruptions, unfinished sentences, people not listening to each other, etc. You can't put all that in your stories (and it would be way too hard to read!), but putting in a little bit of it will make your dialogue seem more real.

- Finally, make sure the people in your stories always speak 'in character'. For example, you probably wouldn't want to have a serious or sad character suddenly crack a joke (even if it's a funny joke that you really want to slip in to your story!). Better to resist the urge and keep your character true to themselves.

So, I hope that helps! You guys already rock - we just love reading your stories, and all your great dialogue. Keep them coming!

Tania Hutley

Chapter 13

Hayley Coupe, Maungawhau School

‘What do you mean by both?’ asked Lewis. ‘It either has to be past or future.’

‘But look.’ Said Remy. ‘There is a big, tall, fat thing that’s roaring over there, and there’s also the flying thing over there.’

‘Oh,’ said Eyepod. ‘True. But we could be in the past and that could be a UFO.’

‘Or,’ said Remy’s mum. ‘We could be in the future and that’s a structure of a dinosaur.’

‘That is a fact.’ Said Remy ashamed.

‘Smart aren't I?’ said Eyepod and Remy’s mum, showing off. Remy rolled his eyes at them.

‘Any way! The gorillas have gotten away with the other half of the un-timer!’ said Remy. ‘They still have the right tools to fix them!’

‘We can sort this out once we find out what dimension we are in.’ Lewis said. ‘Now,’ Lewis started blabbing away to Too Cool, Ummm, Eyepod and the others. Remy’s mouth dropped. How could they not care about the un-timer, thought Remy.

‘Guys, the un-timer can turn us all into the worst thing in the world, gorillas.’ Said Remy.

‘Hey, gorillas aren't that bad!’ said Eyepod.

‘Has someone got a little crush on the gorillas?’ said Lewis in a baby voice. Eyepod looked angry, like a bull looking at the color red.

‘Well, I just like gorillas, I think that they’re fascinating.’ Said Eyepod.

‘Yeah, me too.’ Confessed Lewis. ‘Ok, what time are we in? Past or future.’

‘Ummm…’ said Eyepod.

‘HOW AM I MEANT TO KNOW???’ yelled Ummm.

‘Err…’ struggled Eyepod. ‘How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t yell, ok?’

‘Uh, err. Oh fine.’ Said Ummm.

‘And BTW, I was THINKING, not calling your name.’ Said Eyepod. ‘Why do you always think that I’m calling your name when I say “Ummm?”’

‘Oh, I actually don’t know.’ Said Ummm. ‘From now on I will not always think that you’re calling my name.’

‘Ok, how do we find out if we’re in the past or future?’ Said Remy. ‘Is there some sort-of device that came tell us?’

‘No, not that I’m aware of.’ Said Too Cool. ‘But, I can find something like that really fast!!’

‘Ok, where?’ said Remy.

‘Hmmm.’ Hummed Too Cool. ‘Verruca!’

‘Huh, don’t you mean eureka?’ asked Remy.

‘Uh, oops!’ said Too Cool. ‘Yeah, I did mean that, sorry.’

‘Any way what does eureka mean?’ asked Lewis.

‘It means…’ Remy’s mum paused. ‘W…w…what’s that?’

‘What’s that, what?’ asked Remy. Remy’s mum pointed to a black, scary, tall figure. They all looked up at the figure. All of their mouths dropped.

‘Oh, that.’ Said Remy.

‘Hello,’ said the figure, in a sweet, innocent voice. ‘I am the fairy queen of the world.’

‘Yes!’ yelled Too Cool.

‘Did someone call me?’ said the figure.

‘Uh, that would be me. I called you.’ said Too Cool.

‘Well, what do you want me for.’ Said the fairy queen.

‘Ummm, well. Hang on, first I need to know your name.’ Said Too Cool. ‘What is your name?’

‘My name is Tanya.’ Said the fairy queen named Tanya.

‘Oh, well I need to know what time we are in. Past or present?’ said Too Cool. ‘I need a device that tells me what time we are in.’

‘Oh, ok.’ Said Tanya. ‘Well, I can tell you myself if you want.’

‘YES PLEASE!!!’ Shouted everyone. Tanya gave everyone a sharp look.

‘Sorry.’ Everyone said at different times.

‘Uh.’ Said Tanya. ‘Whatever.’ Remy looked at Tanya, looking like he was angry.

‘What time are we in?’ asked Lewis.

‘Oh,’ said Tanya. ‘We are in’ Tanya looked at her device. ‘Huh? Oh, ok. Well it says we are in… Ah, the dimension, Sniglet.’

‘Huh, what in the heck is that?’ asked Lewis.

‘It is after past, before future but it’s not the present.’ Replied Tanya.

‘Oh, thanks.’ Said Lewis.

‘Well, now that we know the dimension we are in, can we find the other half of the un-timer?’ asked Remy.

‘NO!’ yelled everyone.

‘Why not?’ asked Remy.

‘Because we need to know how we are going to get out of “Sniglet”’ said Eyepod.

‘Oh, fine!’ said Remy. ‘Why don’t we just forget about the un-timer and figure out how to get out.’ Suddenly, their body’s started hurting and they started changing.

‘You guys were so busy trying to know what dimension we are in, you forgot about the un-timer.’ Said Remy. ‘And now, the gorillas have fixed it and I think that we are now turning into gorillas!’ Their body’s stopped hurting, shimmering and changing. They looked at each other. Yep, gorillas, thought Remy, great! Then the ground started shaking. There was an earthquake AND they turned into a gorilla! Uh, oh.